The quiet can be the hardest part of a move abroad. You may have managed the paperwork, found your way around the shops and even learnt enough of the language to order a coffee. Yet, when something funny happens or a difficult day arrives, you may still find yourself wishing for someone who simply understands.

If you are wondering how to make friends after moving abroad, begin by being kind to yourself. Friendship rarely arrives as quickly as a removal lorry. It grows through familiar faces, small conversations and the courage to show up again when it would be easier to stay at home.

Start where you are, not where you think you should be

It is tempting to imagine that everyone else has settled in beautifully. They have a busy diary, speak the language perfectly and know exactly where to buy decent tea. Usually, that is not true. Many people living abroad are carrying their own loneliness, even if they look confident from the outside.

When I moved to France to help build an eco-community, I was reminded that starting again asks a great deal of us. New places can make us feel inexperienced, whatever we achieved in the life we left behind. But being new also gives us permission to be curious. You do not have to arrive as the most interesting person in the room. You only have to be willing to take an interest in someone else.

Try making one small connection part of your week. Chat to the neighbour you see walking their dog. Ask the market stallholder about a local recipe. Return to the same café or class often enough that people begin to recognise you. Familiarity is not friendship, but it is often where friendship begins.

How to make friends after moving abroad: choose regular places

A one-off event can be enjoyable, but regularity is more useful when you want real connection. Look for something that meets weekly or fortnightly: a walking group, language class, choir, book club, craft group or exercise class. Choose something you can genuinely enjoy, rather than forcing yourself into a group that does not suit you.

If your confidence is low, volunteering can be a gentle way in. Helping at a charity shop, community garden, animal rescue or local event gives you something to do with your hands while conversation develops naturally. Service has a wonderful way of taking the attention off our own worries.

Do not dismiss groups aimed at newcomers or other British people either. Speaking your own language with someone who understands the oddities of life abroad can be a relief. At the same time, try not to keep your whole life within an expat circle. A mixture of friendships can make a new country feel richer and more real.

Make the next move simple

A pleasant chat does not always turn into a friendship without a little encouragement. If you meet someone you like, suggest something small and specific. “Would you fancy a coffee after class next week?” is much easier to accept than a vague promise to meet sometime.

You may need to ask twice. People have busy lives, family commitments and their own anxieties. A declined invitation is not necessarily rejection. Give people room, but do not let one unanswered message persuade you that nobody wants to know you.

Let language mistakes be part of the adventure

Language can make adults feel like children again. You may know exactly what you want to say but be unable to say it quickly enough. That can be frustrating, especially if you were used to being capable and independent.

Still, perfection is not required for warmth. A smile, an effort to learn names and a willingness to laugh at your mistakes carry you a long way. Learn a few useful phrases for invitations, hobbies and everyday chat, then use them before you feel ready. Most people respond generously when they see you are trying.

There will be days when you retreat to familiar television, familiar food and familiar voices from home. There is nothing wrong with that. Keeping in touch with old friends matters. The balance is to make room for your old life without allowing it to stop you building a new one.

Allow friendship to look different now

At this stage of life, friendship does not have to mean seeing someone every week or sharing every detail. A friend might be the neighbour who waters your plants, the woman from your French class who sends a message when you are unwell, or the couple who invite you for Sunday lunch once a month.

Some connections will remain acquaintances. Some will fade. That is not failure. Moving abroad teaches us that belonging is built gradually, often in ways we cannot predict. Keep saying yes to the invitations that feel right, and offer a few of your own.

You have already done something brave by beginning again in another country. Let friendships take their time. One conversation, one familiar face and one shared cup of coffee can slowly turn a foreign place into a life that feels like yours.